Things Not to Say to Pregnant Women (But They Hear All the Time)

Women often tell me about the pregnancy advice their friends and family have been sharing with them. These things not to say to pregnant women often come from fear, not evidence - leaving them feeling like they have no choice, no agency, and no trust in their own body.

Sometimes it's well-meaning.

Sometimes it's fear passed down from someone else's birth story.

But it often leaves them feeling overwhelmed and uncertain.

If you're navigating pregnancy right now and feeling the weight of everyone else's opinions, stories, and "shoulds" - this is for you.

"Just ask for the epidural as soon as you walk in. That way you know it'll be ready."

What I wish someone told her instead:

Birth is hard work.

But when it unfolds physiologically, it is also the most powerful, overwhelming, magical experience you'll ever have.

You don't have to decide everything before labour even begins.

You can meet your labour as it unfolds.

Your body knows what to do. And you're allowed to change your mind at any point - whether that's choosing pain relief or choosing to labour without it.

"Going private and having an elective caesarean is the most elite way to give birth."

What I wish someone told her instead:

A caesarean is major abdominal surgery.

It's not "in and out" - it's weeks of recovery, restricted movement, and managing a newborn while your body heals from being cut open.

For some women it's the safest option. For others, it's a choice that feels right.

But it's never just convenient. And it deserves more respect than that.

"Of course you should get [insert intervention]. They wouldn't offer it if it wasn't safe."

What I wish someone told her instead:

"Safe" doesn't mean without risk.

Every intervention comes with its own risks and consequences - some immediate, some down the line.

You're allowed to ask questions. You're allowed to weigh it up. You're allowed to say no.

Informed consent isn't just saying yes. It's understanding what you're saying yes to.

"At 37 weeks the baby is fully grown, so you should start trying all the things to get labour started."

What I wish someone told her instead:

37 weeks is the beginning of term, not the end of pregnancy.

In those final weeks:

• Your baby's brain is still developing

• They are receiving antibodies that protect them from infection in those vulnerable early weeks

• Their lungs continue maturing right up until birth

The last few weeks of pregnancy can feel intense, but labour will begin when your baby is ready.

Trust the process.

"You don't need a doula. Your partner is amazing - they'll step up."

What I wish someone told her instead:

Your partner is there to love you.

A doula is there to support both of you through something neither of you have done before.

Your partner doesn't need to know every comfort measure, birth position, or how to advocate in a medical setting. That's not their specialty.

A doula holds space so your partner can be fully present with you - not scrambling to remember what they learned in a 2-hour class.

"You'll need a Snoo."

What I wish someone told her instead:

(I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole!)

But I will say this: some of my most precious newborn memories are from those long nights. Their milky breath. Their soft skin. The weight of them when all they wanted was me.

It's hard, but it's beautiful.

Not every problem needs a product.

Sometimes they just need you.

The Truth About Things Not to Say to Pregnant Women

Here's what I notice in my consultations: women are carrying other people's stories, fears, and expectations into their own pregnancies.

It's beautiful to share experiences. To debrief with women you love. To process what you've been through.

But if you're carrying stories from a difficult pregnancy, birth, or newborn phase, perhaps choose someone to share them with who isn't pregnant with their first baby.

They deserve the space to form their own experience, not inherit someone else's fear.

What Pregnant Women Actually Need to Hear

If you're pregnant right now and feeling the weight of everyone else's opinions, here's what I want you to know:

You're allowed to make your own choices. Not the choices your mum made, or your sister made, or your best friend made. Your choices.

You're allowed to ask questions. About every test, every intervention, every suggestion. Informed consent means understanding what you're agreeing to - and what you're declining.

You're allowed to trust your body. Your body is designed for this. Even when it's hard. Even when it feels uncertain.

You're allowed to change your mind. Birth plans are guides, not contracts. You can adjust as you go.

You deserve support that holds you, not advice that overwhelms you.

How I Support Women Through Pregnancy

In my practice, I work with women who want evidence-based support that respects their choices and honours their bodies.

Whether you're preparing for conception, navigating pregnancy symptoms, or feeling overwhelmed by conflicting advice, I'm here to help you feel grounded, informed, and supported.

I offer 1:1 consultations (in person in Nambucca and via Zoom Australia-wide), herbal medicine tailored to your unique needs, and practical nutritional guidance that actually fits into your life.

If you're curious about how I can support you, you're welcome to book a free discovery call. It's a low-pressure chance for us to connect and see if we're the right fit.

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